I heard from Mo and Fernando that, including themselves, many guys on the team are now looking for a partner to dance with next semester. It's both surprising and not at the same time because one, things change like flipping your palm and two, this is how the collegiate ballroom team system works. The more things seem to change, the more things to stay, and vice versa.
Somehow when they asked me to dance with them and try each other out, I did not feel excited-- I should have jumped high into the sky to possibly have a partner, and that was what I was wishing for a long time. However, after a painful struggling with the notion of "no partner, no team tryout" for almost four months, I gradually changed my mind from worrying about being on the team to just appreciating every moment of me being on my feet and dancing, alone or accompanied. Somehow it does not hurt me anymore to not be able to be on the team; somehow to drill on my own and basics makes me happier, although in order to advance I need a partner.
Somehow I don't feel happiness when I get what I want.
I just hope I can be so much better before I return to America and before I pair up with a guy. But that is somehow a self-conscious, arrogant and impractical idea.
I am just so happy being able to dance.
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Don't be stressed! If there's one thing I learned about the team, it's that things usually work themselves out by tryout time. The team can be a pretty competitive, and sometimes brutal, environment, but as long as you keep practicing because of your love for dancing and have a positive attitude, things will fall into place eventually. But it does take a little bit of effort to put yourself out there. Don't worry! You're fun to dance with and committed, I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to dance with you!
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